I'm having a war with my body. I desire to run and eat healthy, and yet I don't. I think about running. I make a plan to do it. But I don't follow through. I eat a healthy breakfast and lunch and then it all goes to hell at dinner time. I don't feel good about myself when this happens, so why do I continue to let it happen? This isn't a war with my body. It's a war with my will. And my spirit.
There are a couple of groups that have helped me keep things from going completely awry. The first group is made up of a couple of my sisters-in-law. We all seem to be fighting this battle and so we make "dates" to workout. If it weren't for these dates, I might not exercise at all during the week. Each time we meet, we are together for an hour or more and it's such a great time, not only to concentrate on fitness, but to have an outlet for the things in our life that we just need to get out. Many a time I've been grouchy before meeting them, complaining to my husband that I didn't want to go, but I've come home refreshed and so thankful that I have them.
The other group is a group that I was invited to join by a friend on Facebook. It's just a handful of us and some of us have never met face-to-face, but we all have two things in common. A desire to stay fit and our faith. Yesterday, I was having another of those battles. Feeling miserable because I haven't run since my last "date" on Tuesday and I had no desire to do so. I had a ton of excuses, some of them somewhat valid, but I knew in my heart that if I'd have truly wanted to make it happen, I could have. I was kind of just sitting in a great big pile of guilt and self-pity. So I posted all of this to my friends in fitness asking for encouragement. You know what? I got it. Boy did I ever!
I was reminded that guilt was "of the world, not God". Wow. So true. Following this, I was reminded to ask God for help. Well, DUH! How could I forget this all important step? Why is it that I am so good about praying for everyone else, and even for myself, but when I'm absolutely miserable and can't see my way out, I forget to ask Him for help? She continued to remind me that I can't change the things of yesterday but can only get up each day, ask God to walk with me, and do the best that I can.
And then she left me with this verse. I will be taping it up on my mirror as a reminder each day to just ask:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7
So guess what? I made great choices at dinner last night and I got up before church and ran 3 miles this morning. It's a good step and it was a great lesson.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Inspiration Part 2
I recently posted about Sarah, who inspires me in so many ways, in her determination and faith, but this post is about another person who inspires me. Jacque.
Like Sarah, Jacque is a friend I met while attending college. She played saxophone in the band and was a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi. Also like Sarah, she is someone with whom I was friendly, but we didn't "hang out" a lot. I liked her. How could you not? She always had a ready smile and a positive attitude, no matter the situation. And even back then, she was a woman of faith. I remember that she didn't drink. She used to have Pepsi parties. There were a few who smirked at such a thing, and even though I drank (although not until mid-sophomore year), I thought it was cool that she stuck to her beliefs. And even though others might have judged her, she didn't judge them in return, drinking was just something she chose not to do. I don't know why, but that always stuck with me.
Fast forward to 2011. Also like Sarah, Jacque and I reconnected on Facebook. I don't think we particularly conversed a lot, but occasionally "liked" or commented on each other's posts. And then in September, came the diagnosis. Jacque was diagnosed with breast cancer. What? WHAT?!?! "But she's 33," I thought. MY age. How can this be? It hit me hard. "This is something older people get," I thought. Both my mom and my mother-in-law had it and THANK GOD, beat it. Perhaps it was just difficult to imagine cancer striking a person who is so full of light. She has such JOY in the Lord. But cancer doesn't care. It doesn't care if you are a drug addict or a saint. There's no rhyme or reason, it just IS.
Fortunately, the Lord cares. And Jacque knows it. Like deep down in her heart, without a doubt, knows she is loved by God. And what an amazing GIFT that is. I would come to learn of this tremendous faith in the following months, but in the meantime, I just wanted to DO something. But what could I do? I can't even remember the last time I saw her other than on Facebook. We don't pick up the phone and chat regularly. So I prayed. And I contacted a mutual friend, Stacy, who I knew was much more in touch with Jacque, and I offered to make ribbons for us to put on our instruments at the Homecoming Parade. I didn't want to be presumptuous. Who was I to organize something like this? We're not BFFs. But you know what? I didn't care. It seemed like the right thing to do. Anything to lift her spirits. I wanted her to know that she was important to us (the Bearcat family) and that we were thinking about her. I later got a message that she had appreciated it and that's all that mattered to me.
Throughout the following months, Jacque would undergo surgery and treatment. Because she was only 33 and they found some cancer in her lymph nodes, the treatment would be fairly agressive. Several different chemo medicines followed by radiation. She would deal with all of these treatments while trying to continue teaching in her 4th grade classroom. She underwent a mastectomy and lost her hair and had setbacks and developed lymphedema. She had ups and most certainly had downs, but she fought and most importantly, she never lost faith. Almost every post of her Caring Bridge blog would include some sort of scripture or some piece of wisdom or truth that she had come across. Many people throw their hands up and ask God, "Why?". They get angry and even lose their faith altogether. I can't pretend to know what went through her mind. Perhaps she had moments of doubt, but as far as I could see through her posts, she had nothing but unswerving faith. She found blessings where many would see none. And I was INSPIRED. She used her cancer as an opportunity to show us what faith is all about. To show us what TRUSTING THE LORD is all about and it was amazing. In her most recent post (a couple of weeks ago), she was finishing up her radiation. She still has to continue taking herceptin until March, so she's not done with her battle yet, but she still remains strong in her faith and her belief that God is using her for His greater purpose. And I believe that must be the case. Because He has used her to inspire me. To have faith. To trust. To believe.
In October, I will be running in the Susan G. Komen 5K in her (and my mom and mother in law's) honor. Running is something that she enjoyed before her cancer and she has asked that if people have the means, to donate money or participate in a run/walk to support research and promote awareness. I have decided to do both. I donated money to Stacy's team in Kansas City and will be participating in my own run in Omaha in October. For someone who has battled and fought with such courage and grace, what choice do I have but to honor this request? I'm looking forward to it.
Like Sarah, Jacque is a friend I met while attending college. She played saxophone in the band and was a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi. Also like Sarah, she is someone with whom I was friendly, but we didn't "hang out" a lot. I liked her. How could you not? She always had a ready smile and a positive attitude, no matter the situation. And even back then, she was a woman of faith. I remember that she didn't drink. She used to have Pepsi parties. There were a few who smirked at such a thing, and even though I drank (although not until mid-sophomore year), I thought it was cool that she stuck to her beliefs. And even though others might have judged her, she didn't judge them in return, drinking was just something she chose not to do. I don't know why, but that always stuck with me.
Fast forward to 2011. Also like Sarah, Jacque and I reconnected on Facebook. I don't think we particularly conversed a lot, but occasionally "liked" or commented on each other's posts. And then in September, came the diagnosis. Jacque was diagnosed with breast cancer. What? WHAT?!?! "But she's 33," I thought. MY age. How can this be? It hit me hard. "This is something older people get," I thought. Both my mom and my mother-in-law had it and THANK GOD, beat it. Perhaps it was just difficult to imagine cancer striking a person who is so full of light. She has such JOY in the Lord. But cancer doesn't care. It doesn't care if you are a drug addict or a saint. There's no rhyme or reason, it just IS.
Fortunately, the Lord cares. And Jacque knows it. Like deep down in her heart, without a doubt, knows she is loved by God. And what an amazing GIFT that is. I would come to learn of this tremendous faith in the following months, but in the meantime, I just wanted to DO something. But what could I do? I can't even remember the last time I saw her other than on Facebook. We don't pick up the phone and chat regularly. So I prayed. And I contacted a mutual friend, Stacy, who I knew was much more in touch with Jacque, and I offered to make ribbons for us to put on our instruments at the Homecoming Parade. I didn't want to be presumptuous. Who was I to organize something like this? We're not BFFs. But you know what? I didn't care. It seemed like the right thing to do. Anything to lift her spirits. I wanted her to know that she was important to us (the Bearcat family) and that we were thinking about her. I later got a message that she had appreciated it and that's all that mattered to me.
Throughout the following months, Jacque would undergo surgery and treatment. Because she was only 33 and they found some cancer in her lymph nodes, the treatment would be fairly agressive. Several different chemo medicines followed by radiation. She would deal with all of these treatments while trying to continue teaching in her 4th grade classroom. She underwent a mastectomy and lost her hair and had setbacks and developed lymphedema. She had ups and most certainly had downs, but she fought and most importantly, she never lost faith. Almost every post of her Caring Bridge blog would include some sort of scripture or some piece of wisdom or truth that she had come across. Many people throw their hands up and ask God, "Why?". They get angry and even lose their faith altogether. I can't pretend to know what went through her mind. Perhaps she had moments of doubt, but as far as I could see through her posts, she had nothing but unswerving faith. She found blessings where many would see none. And I was INSPIRED. She used her cancer as an opportunity to show us what faith is all about. To show us what TRUSTING THE LORD is all about and it was amazing. In her most recent post (a couple of weeks ago), she was finishing up her radiation. She still has to continue taking herceptin until March, so she's not done with her battle yet, but she still remains strong in her faith and her belief that God is using her for His greater purpose. And I believe that must be the case. Because He has used her to inspire me. To have faith. To trust. To believe.
In October, I will be running in the Susan G. Komen 5K in her (and my mom and mother in law's) honor. Running is something that she enjoyed before her cancer and she has asked that if people have the means, to donate money or participate in a run/walk to support research and promote awareness. I have decided to do both. I donated money to Stacy's team in Kansas City and will be participating in my own run in Omaha in October. For someone who has battled and fought with such courage and grace, what choice do I have but to honor this request? I'm looking forward to it.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Inspiration Part 1
Inspiration comes from all sorts of people and sometimes where you least expect it. I've been pondering this idea lately as I try to get back into running. Let me just say that I never completely left running, but there for a while it became something I dreaded. I looked for any excuse to get out of it which then lead to guilt later. Then, when I finally did run, it felt awful...probably because it had been too long between runs. It's a vicious cycle.
First of all, I wouldn't call myself a natural runner. I don't get a runner's high pretty much ever. Not the way I do with other activities such as dance. But I do feel a certain amount of satisfaction with a job completed. A sense of accomplishment when I've broken a distance barrier. Unfortunately for me, adding distance seems to be extremely difficult. When trying to follow training plans, I have a hard time adding as much distance as is scheduled in the amount of time scheduled. I've learned to be ok with that and just accept that my body takes longer.
"So why run?", you might ask. Partly because it requires no equipment, other than shoes and partly, well.... Just to prove that I can. With my very active family, I like the fact that I can just throw on my shoes and go. I don't have to spend a bunch of money on a fitness video or waste time driving to the gym. Unfortunately, I live in a climate that sometimes forces me indoors, but that's what leads me to the real reason I run....to prove that I can. I refuse to give up. Even though I'm slow (and I'm not being modest-I run about a 10:30 min mile) and sometimes I feel like I'm going to die, and sometimes I do give up in that moment, but I get back out there the next time to prove that I'm not a quitter and that I really can do it.
So last May, I ran a 10k. It was my second one and I shaved several minutes off my time. I felt great about it. This was right at the end of the school year and less than a week later, my family was off on a trip to Disney World. It was an AMAZING trip. I didn't run while I was gone, but as much as I was on my feet, it sure felt like I had! While I was there, I signed up for my first half marathon, which takes place in Sep. When I got back from my trip, I went out on my first training run. I had found a 16 week training schedule that looked much more doable for my slow-to-add-distance pace. That first run was AWFUL. It was hot and I felt terrible. But not to worry, the next one will be better, right? WRONG. It was bad again. Not only did it feel awful, but I couldn't even finish 3 miles. 3 miles! I had just completed a 10k (6.2 miles) 2 weeks before, what was the deal?!?!?!?! I began to get discouraged and started the procrastination game, which lead to the downward spiral I mentioned earlier.
Then, in July, I went to visit a friend in Long Beach, CA. I was determined to run while there. The weather was perfect. It was just me, sans kids. No excuses. I ran once in the 4 mornings I was there. Not exactly the plan, but the one run I completed felt great! I came home determined to get back to it. If it meant running on the treadmill in the a/c, so be it.
So if you're still reading this, you're probably wondering where the inspiration part plays in. Well here goes. I have a friend named Sarah. Sarah was a classmate in college. We had classes together because we were both music ed majors at a D2 school. We got along just fine and were friendly, but she was a vocalist, while I was an instrumentalist. She was in SAI, while I was in KKPsi. I guess you could say that while we didn't travel in the same circles, our paths crossed quite a bit and it was always amicable enough. Well fast forward to 2008 when I joined Facebook. Somewhere in that first year, Sarah and I became Facebook friends. I started noticing that I often agreed with her posts and various articles. She posts a lot of comments, blog posts, and articles related to education, and I tended to agree with those too. She often posts scripture, and it always seems to be the right verse at the right time, even though we're separated by 1500 miles. And somewhere along the line, she started training for the Ironman. Yep. The real deal. Wait....Sarah was a runner? I didn't remember her running in college. I remember her having a laCrosse sticker on her car, but running? Swimming? Biking? Hmmm. Perhaps I missed that. In any case, I enjoyed following her posts regarding training and when the big day came, I enjoyed the blog post that followed with the recap. I was so proud of her. I still am. In the years since, she has had her ups and downs with training and injuries, but she still cheers me on. And I am happy when I am able to do the same for her. What makes her my inspiration? The fact that she is human like me. She struggles with many of the same issues I do and yet she keeps going. She doesn't give up. I hope that before too much longer, our paths will cross again because I think we have so much more in common this time around.
So about that half marathon. My training plan is completely de-railed. I don't see how I'll be able to run 13.1. I have a couple of options: 1. I continue with the half, knowing that I will have to walk some of it (I always make it my goal to run the entire race) or 2. I can switch it to a 10k, meaning I won't fulfill my half goal, but I may feel better about myself because I'll be able to run the whole thing. I've decided to keep running for now and see how I'm feeling as race day gets closer. I'm disappointed that I've put myself in this position, but I'm trying not to focus on what I can't change and just keep moving forward. Notice quitting was not an option. I'll be out there on Sep 23, one way or another, and I know Sarah will be cheering me on.
First of all, I wouldn't call myself a natural runner. I don't get a runner's high pretty much ever. Not the way I do with other activities such as dance. But I do feel a certain amount of satisfaction with a job completed. A sense of accomplishment when I've broken a distance barrier. Unfortunately for me, adding distance seems to be extremely difficult. When trying to follow training plans, I have a hard time adding as much distance as is scheduled in the amount of time scheduled. I've learned to be ok with that and just accept that my body takes longer.
"So why run?", you might ask. Partly because it requires no equipment, other than shoes and partly, well.... Just to prove that I can. With my very active family, I like the fact that I can just throw on my shoes and go. I don't have to spend a bunch of money on a fitness video or waste time driving to the gym. Unfortunately, I live in a climate that sometimes forces me indoors, but that's what leads me to the real reason I run....to prove that I can. I refuse to give up. Even though I'm slow (and I'm not being modest-I run about a 10:30 min mile) and sometimes I feel like I'm going to die, and sometimes I do give up in that moment, but I get back out there the next time to prove that I'm not a quitter and that I really can do it.
So last May, I ran a 10k. It was my second one and I shaved several minutes off my time. I felt great about it. This was right at the end of the school year and less than a week later, my family was off on a trip to Disney World. It was an AMAZING trip. I didn't run while I was gone, but as much as I was on my feet, it sure felt like I had! While I was there, I signed up for my first half marathon, which takes place in Sep. When I got back from my trip, I went out on my first training run. I had found a 16 week training schedule that looked much more doable for my slow-to-add-distance pace. That first run was AWFUL. It was hot and I felt terrible. But not to worry, the next one will be better, right? WRONG. It was bad again. Not only did it feel awful, but I couldn't even finish 3 miles. 3 miles! I had just completed a 10k (6.2 miles) 2 weeks before, what was the deal?!?!?!?! I began to get discouraged and started the procrastination game, which lead to the downward spiral I mentioned earlier.
Then, in July, I went to visit a friend in Long Beach, CA. I was determined to run while there. The weather was perfect. It was just me, sans kids. No excuses. I ran once in the 4 mornings I was there. Not exactly the plan, but the one run I completed felt great! I came home determined to get back to it. If it meant running on the treadmill in the a/c, so be it.
So if you're still reading this, you're probably wondering where the inspiration part plays in. Well here goes. I have a friend named Sarah. Sarah was a classmate in college. We had classes together because we were both music ed majors at a D2 school. We got along just fine and were friendly, but she was a vocalist, while I was an instrumentalist. She was in SAI, while I was in KKPsi. I guess you could say that while we didn't travel in the same circles, our paths crossed quite a bit and it was always amicable enough. Well fast forward to 2008 when I joined Facebook. Somewhere in that first year, Sarah and I became Facebook friends. I started noticing that I often agreed with her posts and various articles. She posts a lot of comments, blog posts, and articles related to education, and I tended to agree with those too. She often posts scripture, and it always seems to be the right verse at the right time, even though we're separated by 1500 miles. And somewhere along the line, she started training for the Ironman. Yep. The real deal. Wait....Sarah was a runner? I didn't remember her running in college. I remember her having a laCrosse sticker on her car, but running? Swimming? Biking? Hmmm. Perhaps I missed that. In any case, I enjoyed following her posts regarding training and when the big day came, I enjoyed the blog post that followed with the recap. I was so proud of her. I still am. In the years since, she has had her ups and downs with training and injuries, but she still cheers me on. And I am happy when I am able to do the same for her. What makes her my inspiration? The fact that she is human like me. She struggles with many of the same issues I do and yet she keeps going. She doesn't give up. I hope that before too much longer, our paths will cross again because I think we have so much more in common this time around.
So about that half marathon. My training plan is completely de-railed. I don't see how I'll be able to run 13.1. I have a couple of options: 1. I continue with the half, knowing that I will have to walk some of it (I always make it my goal to run the entire race) or 2. I can switch it to a 10k, meaning I won't fulfill my half goal, but I may feel better about myself because I'll be able to run the whole thing. I've decided to keep running for now and see how I'm feeling as race day gets closer. I'm disappointed that I've put myself in this position, but I'm trying not to focus on what I can't change and just keep moving forward. Notice quitting was not an option. I'll be out there on Sep 23, one way or another, and I know Sarah will be cheering me on.
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